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Monday, January 28, 2008
Okay I'm over here at Starbucks in Klang catching up on all my emails and what not. Attempting to type out my SS FA so I can send it to someone to pass it to Bchew. But I'm not in the mood to do work. So here I am blogging while all you kids over in Singapore are in school.
Nainai passed away on Saturday night.
It was one kind of Saturday. Dagu called dad in the morning because the hospital told her that nainai's condition was deteriorating. (She was actually admited into the hospital on Friday because she said that she was breathless and all) Rushed around with mummy to get a ticket for the coach for dad. Kor came back at around noon. I was off for cell (which was very good) where we played Ungame, since Shaun and I decided that it was the right time to play Ungame, and after cell I guess we can pretty much safely say that we made the right decision. Some people cried, others comforted/ encouraged, we laughed over some things. But overall it was good. If our GB devotion group gets closer, maybe we can consider playing Ungame. It's one the games which really bond people. Not in the rah-rah kind of way, but rather you get to understand each other a whole lot more, and that understanding is crucial to eventually being able to trust one another etc.
Mummy smsed me after cell and said that dad wanted all of us to go back to Klang, so ended up bringing forward YLs meeting.
YLs meeting today was very productive, thank God. Haha was telling Dan and Gab about what we did during cell and he said we should play it during the meeting, so out came Ungame and yeah, it was a great time once again. Haha it's rather interesting to see how differently the game progresses when played with different groups of people :D But yeah, in conclusion Ungame is really good. Everyone should go buy it! It's one of the best games in getting people to share and bond them, in my opinion la. After that, we prayed for one another and got down to work. Discussed what our personal goals for the youth ministry was, and later on what our goal as the youth comm was. Talked about problems, in-depth, tried looking for possible solutions. Showed them the timeline I did for the entire year, allocated work etc. Ended off the meeting trying to think of a cool name for ourselves, but uh we failed, so we'll try harder next time :D Ended the meeting earlier, rushed home and grabbed some clothes/ work to do, and went off to Changi airport to get a plane to go to KL (taking a coach would have taken far too long). Daddy said that nainai's condition somewhat stabilised, so kor and i were all "okay that's great".
Took a taxi from KLIA, and dad was waiting for us at the entrance of the hospital. He said that nainai was really bad. So we rushed up. Doctor was examining her then so we waited outside with my 2 aunts and some other relatives (rather distant uncle/ aunt). It was obvious they had been crying, but my aunts said that she was 'peaceful'. But I guess it didn't really strike me/ kor/ mummy yet because we havnt seen her. We went in, and honestly I expected her to still be conscious so she could at least see me, and I her. But no she wasn't, kor and I called her but she didn't response. She was asleep, and slowly slipping away. Dagu and ergu asked us to call her, talk to her, because she could still hear us. But none of us could. THe first time I called her and realised that she wouldn't be able to respond, I started crying after that. Kor was close to tears I think. We stayed like that for about 5 minutes. I was staring at that machine (what do you call those?)- the ones which measure your heartbeat, ecg (?) etc and watching the rate of her heartbeat get lower and lower. Her breathing got shallower. And eventually, the machine couldn't detect anything. The nurse checked and pronounced her dead at 10.35pm. We started crying. Kor also. Honestly, it's the first time I've seen him cry. I'm sure he cried when yeye died, but I didn't see it because we weren't that close at that time and I wasn't standing directly beside him when we got the news of yeye's death. There was a period of hugging and crying with dad/ mum/ aunts/ kor. The pastor prayed after that. But haha later ergu said that the way nainai was lying there is just like when she's sleeping (her mouth's open lol). They wanted to change her clothes etc so we went out where I tried to calm myself down and kor was still crying. Anna (their maid) was crying too, she's been with them for 10 years anyway and has always been a great help to nainai.
True guys cry. Anyway let me pause for a while and focus on my bro. Guess what, I think the army does live up to it's goal/ motto/ i dont know what la. From boys to men. Kor has become more mature (in a sense), and he's nicer (though how nice can he get la x)). Hearing army stories is lots of fun yo.
Dagu and ergu told us that in the morning nainai was really in pain, like she was groaning and moaning and all that. Docs said that there was some infection in the colon/ liver and they couldnt operate on her because she was too weak. So they gave her antibiotics and would do an op like when she's better. After that the doctor gave her a mild painkiller to help her sleep, and that was when she slowly drifted away la. And they said that she waited for us. For me/ kor/ mummy (jie was still in UK, but she's on her way for the wake/ funeral now and she'll be arriving in the evening at 6.30pm). And when she said that I started crying again, because yeah I believe she did indeed wait for us. No reason why she pulled through like how many hours and went home 5 minutes after we visited her. After all, I know she did love us a lot and yeah she would have waited for us.
Wake and funeral and coffin and all's really simple because that's who she was. She was simple, gentle, slow-to-anger. It's a lot differet from yeye's one, where the place was filled with wreaths (seriously, can start flowershop already la) and people and all. Maybe because yeye was a businessman, so he knew a lot of people, was a great man, touched many lives. Most of nainai's visitors are personal friends/ relatives/ church people because those were the people she mixed with. And in her own way I'm sure she touched their lives- the way she lived, before yeye's death, after yeye's death and even after she suffered a stroke.
Met my cousins once again haha. Can't believe that it's been 4 years since yeye's death. And to think that 4 years ago I was trying hard to remember who they were (since it was like the first time we met them in a very very long time). But well I'll see them again during CNY. Talked to Mervyn for a while, since like I got to know him a bit better when they visited grandma during the Christmas period (when we were around). Still a bit awkward, but hey at least I'm talking to one of my cousins. He's the same age as kor, but he wasn't called for NS in Malaysia. But they're nice people la, the whole bunch of them, very interesting. Sangupo keeps asking Gabriel to grow taller because she compares his height with mine, and he's not much taller than me, and he's one year older, and he's a guy. And he'll smile and nod his head, and after that he'll turn around to Ronald/ Mervyn and go "I'm very tall already!" Mervyn will look at me and shrug.
Yesterday was a crazy day, because kor and I have to arrange things/ look after the money. Kor shared during the wake service yesterday, it was short and simple, yet definitely sincere. (Speaking of which, he's gone back to Singapore, because NS beckons. He has 3 days leave and has some firing test on Tuesday (which if he fails, he'll have to redo BMT) and PSC interview on Wednesday.) Jie and I are doing today's one.
Nainai's photo (the ones they place in front of the coffin) is really sweet, and it reflects who she was as a person la. I remember that she'll always buy like a lot of niangao during CNY because niangao's one of my favourite parts of CNY :D But yeah, and like all I have to do is to say that "I like ___, I want more!" and the next time I meet her in Malacca (and after yeye's death, in Klang) she'll have bought a lot of that thing. That was how important we were to her. And as kor said yesterday in the eulogy, even though her speech was slurred (because of the sroke)when she talked to us over the phone during the regular sunday calls, and many times we had to struggle to listen, but honestly those few words that she spoke (and the "I'll pray for you"s) became all the more precious because it really showed how much she cared about us. And yeah during Christmas when we visited her and we sang carols and she sang those verses which she could remember, it was really good. She was a fighter in her own rights. She never gave up.
But yeah, the same God who comforted her when yeye passed away now comforts us who grieve at the loss of a great grandmother/ mother. And I know where she is, I know she's happy (happy is an understatement) up there with Jesus, and I know I'll see her again. God's will, God's will. I was praying on the plane and I asked God to heal nainai and that she'll have a speedy recovery. Then I realised that now that it's come to such a point, I don't know what's the best for her, or for anyone of us, so I added that His will be done. And it's no longer "Why God, why is taking her away Your wil?" but rather it's comforting because it's part of His will, and His plan is always greater than ours. It wasn't as sudden as yeye's, but it was still unexpected because it all happened in one day, and we (or at least I) thought that she was on the road to recovery. But whatever it is, to God be the glory.
And maybe nainai's death may indeed lead to one lost soul being saved. Because yesterday sugong (granduncle (yeye's bro)- Ronald/ Mervyn/ Gabriel/ Adeline's grand-dad) expressed an interest in Christianity. And yeah, that's a reason to be glad.
It's death that makes life all the more precious. And it's the temporal separation that makes the eternal reunion mean so much. We're inevitably sad, but we're doing fine. WIth GOd, what isnt okay?
As the speaker said yesterday, I won't say goodbye nainai, I'll say goodnight. I'll see you again in the morning, when the sun shines brighly again- when Jesus comes down again in all His glory and splendour and brings us all to our eternal home, where there'll be no tears and sorrow, but joy. For eternity.
That's the entire difference between Christianity and other religions. We have a hope. We mourn with hope. The assurance of eternal life makes a whole lot of difference. There's more to life here on earth. (Lots of thought about that, but I'm running out of time. Daddy's coming to pick me up soon. More next time, perhaps)
I'll miss you nainai, but I look forward to seeing you again. I'm sorry I didn't manage to spend much time with you during the past year, but I know that you understand, and I know that you know that I tried. I had this great idea to go over to Klang and celebrate your 80th birthday with you this year, but I can't anymore. But it's okay, I'll just put all these regrets and what not aside. Thanks for just being you grandma, and thanks for waiting for us to arrive at the hospital to see you.
Until we meet again, goodnight and see you soon (:
Lots of love.
simplicity.
*****
simple facts
peiling
30 march
christian
tnsrgs
